Tag: emotions

Interview: Money, Desire & Power: The Alchemy of Transformation ~ with Nishta Matarese and Evangelos Diavolitsis

Posted on by Silvia Eriksson

First things first, why ‘Money-Desire-Power’? What inspired this provocative trio as a theme for your upcoming retreat? 

It’s not a trio, it’s a trilogy or a tragedy because, if they are unconscious, they create pain and chaos. They can also be enjoyable and transformative tools depending on the view and approach. 

Look, life is provoking us all day long. It is part of moving from a life lived from somatic-emotional reactivity to clear adult responses. We simply need to get better at navigating how trigger patterns around money, desire, and power reveal themselves in our being and how it affects our state of mind. At Four Ways to Freedom, we get behind the things that provoke us so we can liberate them. 

There is so much there for us to work with and that inspires our teaching and how we best can convey it to students with a sense of lightness – with joy, humor, and support. It provokes a lot of creativity in us as teachers.

MDP are juicy topics! There is so much there for us to work with and that inspires our teaching and how we best can convey it to students with a sense of lightness – with joy, humor, and support. It provokes a lot of creativity in us as teachers. We study them, dance with them, process them, and offer universal teachings to expand upon them. 

Many of the great masters in the last 100 years and certainly our personal teachers, emphasized that developmentally, we need to awaken to potent hidden messages underneath MDP. The work is to move as a whole from an egocentric perspective, to an ethnocentric, world-centric, and ultimately, a cosmo-centric existence. We need to know where we are on the map so that we can traverse along the path with confidence and know how to help others move along the path as well. 

War, competing economies, domination over natural resources, politics, religion, sex trafficking, etc… Much of the horrors that occur in these arenas have MDP at their roots. The game is rigged and we no longer can delude ourselves – so we do the work of coming to terms with them in our personal lives first so a collective healing can be facilitated. 

What makes them so taboo? 

The intensity of the force and influence they have over our ability to reason what is useful and wholesome and what is useless and unwholesome. The dictionary defines the meaning of taboo as a social or religious custom prohibiting or forbidding discussion of a particular practice or forbidding association with a particular person, place, or thing. 

There can be a lot of shame related to money, desire, and power. We feel ashamed if we have not become skilled money hunters in this money-obsessed world. Some are also obsessed with rejecting money. We feel shame when we cannot afford some of the necessities of life.  

Regarding desire, we are afraid to admit our heart’s desire as we fear judgment from others or have some sort of spiritual guilt. There is rarely a moment when humans aren’t desiring something. It’s important to desire the things that actually create a positive outcome.  

Power gives us a sense of control as well as strength and clarity. Knowing what we want and knowing what we don’t want and how to honour that.  

Power can range from impotence to tyranny. Some are afraid of too much power and others are afraid of too little power. Power becomes confusing when our authority to lead outgrows beyond our ability to embody the responsibility of it.

What are some ways we can destigmatize these topics? 

Simple, bring them out in the open through dialogue and then transmute the energy of them – redirect the energy that is making them so potent in the first place. First, we must peek at them, touch them, and understand them! 

Coming together as a group body is the fast path of destigmatisation. We co-create a field together to blast the lid off of the mystery of MDP. We want to recognize MDP for what it is and be able to have healthy discussions around them as if we were talking about the weather. 

How are each of these topics related? What is the intersection?

We can spend our entire life oscillating between contraction and expansion around our personal lovability in terms of money, desire and power.

As Dharma teachers, conscious movement facilitators and behavioral money coaches, we see that much of our survival responses are set in us by the time we reach grade school. Society goes on to overlay a message that our self-worth is linked to our net worth. We can spend our entire life oscillating between contraction and expansion around our personal lovability in terms of money, desire and power. They are intricately intertwined in terms of knowing when to lead and when to follow, how to give and receive as an act of sharing, and the success at which we can resource ourselves in a balanced way in both our inner worlds and the outward expression of that, while in the world. 

How has your personal relationship with money evolved over the years, and what lessons have you learned about its impact on your well-being?

All the lessons have resulted in cultivating a conscious and healthy relationship with an energetic frequency that has its own language, direction and attitude.  When we were younger, money was an elusive mystery but by making peace and forgiving our personal history, our relationship with it has become much more fluid. Biggest lesson: Don’t blame others for your lack of abundance and success. You and you alone can change the story by befriending the energy of money.  Whether it is an ally or enemy depends on the user’s mindset. 

What is the difference between healthy desire vs. unhealthy desire?

Healthy desire has a texture of certain qualities: There is balance in the nervous system, an ease with the way things are. You are not chasing to escape but to expand and feed a curiosity.  Food is a desire we all share in common.  Healthy desire is that I listen to when my body tells me to stop. Unhealthy desire, on the other hand, comes with an obsessive, keep going, attachment attitude which leads to resentment, confusion, and disappointment. 

What is your definition of ‘power’ in the context that you teach it? Can you expand on this?

True power is resting in the ground of your being with calm, clarity, and compassion for yourself, others and the situation presenting itself to you. For this, we need training in mindfulness practices and an understanding of what meditation IS and what meditation IS NOT. You are a more powerful person when you are no longer subject to the fears that bind you.

True power is resting in the ground of your being with calm, clarity, and compassion for yourself, others and the situation presenting itself to you

Redirecting fear energy alleviates somatic-emotional distress. Claiming back our bodies wholeheartedly requires trust. We learn to trust as babies. We were utterly dependent on another, a guiding authority to meet our basic needs. 

At times, the babies’ needs are not met. There are thousands of examples of disruptions in the process of pair bonding and learning when and under what circumstances one can trust. Each disruption creates a unique response in you. As one of my teachers used to say, we are all just walking wounded hearts. 

When needs are not met, life is asking you to not only survive but learn to figure this shit out and thrive. We become more intelligent as our urge to thrive grows. We greatly evolve our resilience when we are babies. 

It requires tremendous trust to take full responsibility over one’s own sovereign being and not outsource it to others – we are conditioned that our power depends on mommy and daddy. It means harnessing the power of one’s own body-mind. True power is attending to the needs of one’s own awakening heart. The greatest power is having every reason in the world to react with a harsh strong response and choosing not to. Saying ‘no’ to our own negative responses is powerful.  

What do you hope retreat participants will take away with them after exploring these topics with you? 

A sense of inner revolution. To become a rebel with a cause. To leave the fight behind. That is what revolution is about – replacing an existing way of being with a better way of being – one that is more illuminated.  To embody imagination, archetypal energies and confidence to dream YOUR life and to recognize when you are living in someone else’s dream. 

Success to us, is when you are able to go to bed at night with an ease of heart and capacity to restore. To collectively remember there is an unknowable mystery calling us to upgrade – to evolve. To include, to fold into the being all that has come before and make room for what is to come. 

Ultimately, we hope participants transition out with a sense of peace and composed awareness when addressing the topics of Money, Desire and Power in their daily lives. 

Do you have any advice for setting intentions to be more mindful in the new year around money/desire/power? 

2024, here already? 

“ There is no end. There is no beginning. There is only the passion of life. “

The great Italian movie director, Federico Fellini, said “ There is no end. There is no beginning. There is only the passion of life. “

If there is no beginning and no end to be found then what is there? Who is there? How do you settle into the ever-changing continuum awareness that you are?

If passion is the way then let’s agree to call it what it truly is — COM-PASSION (our actions aligned with our innate loving aliveness for the health of the whole)

This urge to live, love, and thrive is ours for the taking. 

Let’s live the best version of ourselves for the uplifting of all beings! 

Evangelos and Nishta are international Dharma, meditation, and movement teachers and the founders of Four Ways to Freedom. They will be facilitating the retreat Money, Desire & Power: The Alchemy of Transformation in Mandali on 23-29 March 2024.

When Did I Become So Boring? Finding the Spontaneous You

Posted on by Silvia Eriksson

Have you recently wondered, “When did I start being so boring?” It’s a question that creeps into our minds from time to time, and it’s worth exploring. What’s your secret daydream? That one thing you’ve always wanted to do, but you’ve kept safely tucked away, hidden from the world. Perhaps it’s dancing in public just for the joy of it, skydiving, or starting a new hobby. What’s holding you back from experiencing the joy, spontaneity, and curiosity that you know you have, but seems just out of reach, a little dormant?

As children, we naturally pushed boundaries, tested limits, and did things simply for the joy of it.  Yet, somewhere along the way, we may feel we lost touch with that side of ourselves. There can be many reasons for that, disappointments, fear of rejection or being made fun of, being scolded or told off. Life happens and piles on, we get told what ‘adult responsibilities’ are, what we need to achieve, and bury our free, innate ‘soul-child’ on the way. 

Can we have both, some kind of balance between spontaneous and free, and structured and ‘adult’, and use it to our advantage? Wouldn’t life be so much more rich? 

‘Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.’ ~ E.E. Cummings

The practice of self-inquiry is the action of looking inward and asking ourselves fundamental questions that reveal our inner essence, and aspects about ourselves that are hidden. It is commonly done as a process with others, or guided, but you can also do it by yourself in contemplation or by journaling, which can lead to insight and greater self-knowledge. 

For example:

  • Contemplate something you really want to try but never give yourself the freedom to do.
  • Notice what comes emotionally when you think about it, fear, embarrassment, a feeling of imminent failure, dismissal, it’s not worth it, ‘nice idea but not relevant’, ‘I’m too old for this’… and so on
  • What does this ‘want’ really symbolize, and where does it really come from?  What does it represent? 
  • Can I sit with these emotions, feel them in my body, and breathe with them? Ask yourself, What would be the worst outcome if I did try this? Maybe you realise, despite your story: ‘This too, I can get through.’
  • How can I integrate this in my life, what would be fun to try this week, this month and what will I get out of it?

This practice may give rise to understanding something about yourself, and give you hope and incentive to move on from it. The key is integrating your desires into your life in all areas by taking action, like re-training yourself towards joy and spontaneity. Start small, and little by little bring these long-lost dreams into your daily life. This week, this month, take a step toward something you’ve always wanted to do that makes you happy. Or say yes to a crazy idea that is outside of your routine. Do something unusual. Expand your appetite for life and let it inspire you!

Becoming friendly with our inner wildness can be an important and life-changing path. It’s about rediscovering the innocent, free, wild, and open part of us that once made us feel truly alive. It’s not about acting “childish” or being overly “adult”; it’s about finding a balance and connecting to the essence of our soul-child. It’s time to release it, give it the freedom it needs, and use its energy to your advantage.

So, the next time you ask yourself, “When did I start being so boring?” remember that it’s never too late to reconnect with your inner wildness and live life to the fullest.

Emilio Mercuriali is a visionary leader in the field of self-discovery and personal growth. Specializing in the Essence work and the Enneagram, Emilio’s retreats offer a unique blend of ancient spiritual wisdom and modern psychology. He will be leading the Joy of Living Retreat in Mandali this coming December.

Posted in Mind, SoulTagged emotions, habits, mindfulness

About Loving Kindness and Why Practice It

Posted on by Silvia Eriksson

I never really understood the practice of Loving Kindness, metta, until recently. Sure, I had read
about it, heard about it in my trainings, practiced it, and even taught it, but somehow I didn’t
‘quite get it’. That is until I read Christina Feldman’s book Boundless Heart, The Buddha’s Path
of Kindness, Compassion, Joy and Equanimity. In her book Feldman presents practicing Metta as
a verb: befriending. It is an attitude rather than a practice you turn ‘on and off’. She writes:
[metta] “is said to be the necessary foundational attitude underlying all meditative
development.”

Loving Kindness is not so much an emotion or state, but a way of approaching all experiences
with boundless friendliness. We can learn to befriend all people – including ourselves – and all
events and circumstances; the pleasant and the unpleasant, the beautiful and the ugly. This
doesn’t mean we have to like everyone or everything, but we can care about it and befriend it.

Insight practice allows us to gain insight into impermanence, ‘unsatisfactoriness’, and the
awareness of no-self. As an Insight practice, the cultivation of metta is directed toward
uncovering aversion, which is a symptom of unsatisfactoriness. Aversion can show up in many
ways: irritation, impatience, jealousy, hatred, belittlement, anger, etc. I don’t have to tell you
there is a lot of that in the world.

Loving Kindness is not so much an emotion or state, but a way of approaching all
experiences with boundless friendliness. We can learn to befriend all people
– including ourselves – and all events and circumstances; the pleasant and the
unpleasant, the beautiful and the ugly.

Aversion leads to depression and anxiety as there is no room in our heart for joy and
appreciation. From a Buddhist psychological perspective aversion, or: ill will, is rooted in fear –
the fear of loss, the fear of harm. When we are gripped by fear, we create in our mind the
sense of ‘other’ that we want to run away from or attack. We don’t want to feel this way so we
blame the other, or our circumstances. This blaming can become such a habit that we don’t
even notice we are doing it, nor the effects of it. Moreover, we often feel justified in our
aversion; we feel we have every right to hate people that are doing wrong in our eyes.
Unfortunately, we don’t realize the negative effects of that. As a Tibetan teacher said:

Do not take lightly small misdeeds,
Believing they can do no harm,
Even a tiny spark of fire
Can set alight a mountain.

So, we need to befriend aversion. Aversion is suffering that we can only end through our
willingness to be intimate with the landscape of it, in order for it to be understood. Ill will truly
holds the power to make us ill, as the body carries the burden of aversive thoughts and
emotions. Metta is intended to interrupt these negative thoughts and emotions.

Metta is a quality of mindfulness. It doesn’t ask for an ambitious desire to save the whole
world, but simply to rescue the mind and heart from moments of compulsive ill will. When we
commit to kindness in each moment, we stop feeding the habit of aversion and bring the
tendency of ill will to an end. It is a rotation of consciousness: rather than waiting for aversion to disappear for there to be space for kindness, it is through cultivating our capacity of
befriending adversity that affliction will be eased and healed.

The conscious cultivation of metta as a meditation practice uses simple phrases that give words
to the intention of metta. The keyword here is: intention. The words are less important, as long
as they are meaningful and feel easy. Each phrase is repeated slowly – either out loud or in your
mind – allowing space between each phrase to listen to the inward response.

There is no right response, however. We are not looking for a specific feeling or state of mind.
All responses are welcome and a reminder that we are practicing befriending. Through
sustaining our attention within the felt sense of befriending, we learn to deepen and sustain
the capacity of our hearts to abide in kindness. In doing so new neural pathways are being laid
in our brain and slowly we can reverse our habitual ways of reacting.

Traditionally, metta practice is offered first toward ourselves, then to a benefactor, a friend, a
neural person, and lastly to a difficult person. For example:

May I/you be well in the midst of difficulty.
May I/you be at peace.
May I/you rest with ease and kindness in this moment.

In the western world befriending oneself seems to be the most difficult for most people. Metta
practice should never be forced though and should be kept free of striving and expectations. It
is always an invitation and a conscious cultivation of intention and inclining our hearts toward
kindness.

As a practical application during your day, you could ask yourself these questions:

What does this moment need?

What is needed to free this moment of ill will and fear, and to rest in a boundless heart?

And as you practice loving kindness, remind yourself that you do not have to be ‘God-like’ to
fully embody it. It is through practicing that we strengthen our ability to be more kind. And that
is worth the effort; the world needs it.

Embracing Self Love

Posted on by Kasia

Today I came across writing that struck me deeply: a text where, according to the author, “the continuous running away from pain and searching for pleasure are clear signs of self-love”.

I still have a long way to go on my personal learning and healing process, it is continuous, I would dare to say infinite, but the more I go through it, the more I feel and experience life, the more I read, the more I meditate, the more I am certain that authentic Self Love is all about something else, something other than running away from pain and searching for pleasure.

If we want to understand what Self Love is all about, it is important to change the way we see pain and discomfort and the search for pleasure.

In our path in this world, we are brought up to believe that pain and discomfort are conditions from which we must escape, which we must avoid at all costs and therefore most people grow up and live running away from pain and discomfort. Then there are others that are raised in situations of so much pain and discomfort that as adults they inflict on themselves and on others strong self-destructive and painful behaviors, and we could all agree it reflects an emotional disturbance, a pathology, which we would rather not manifest.

Both the people who seriously auto-inflict pain and discomfort into their own lives (which then again, we all do, consciously or not, to a certain extent) and those who continuously run away from pain and discomfort are both prisoners of their pasts and old belief schemes and both of them manifest a distorted definition of Love. I believe both of these two patterns require healing.

Those who live running away from pain and discomfort, live in a continuous run that prevents them from being fully present in their lives, engaging in what I prefer to call self-sedation behaviors, in order to avoid feeling pain and discomfort whenever life reflects to them or confronts them with these conditions.

Most people who search for pleasure, if not all of them, are in effect just trying to sedate themselves. The search for pleasure is an unconscious attempt to dissimulate an inner discomfort that people do not want to feel. It is just a dissimulation, the discomfort will still be there and the sedation process will need to be continuously sustained, whereas the inner conditions do not change. 

Running away from something is not an attribute of an authentic Self Love process for it makes us escape reality and escaping reality cannot be the “gateway into paradise”.

People who have healed themselves through authentic Self-Love processes do not want to sedate themselves, do not search for pleasure, they are not running away from something and towards something else, they do not classify situations as pleasant or unpleasant, they embrace it all without judgment, they are not trying to escape what is, they live in the joy inherent to the present moment and living in the present moment is the most beautiful and joyful mountain top they could have achieved. 

Self-Love is all about self-healing and self-acceptance. Self-Love is about embracing all that we are, all that life is, with dedication, compassion, and commitment.

Self-Love has no conditions. It is not something we can get from others. Self-Love is something that can only be given and is the core of any self-healing process.

It is about taking full responsibility for our life experience, it is about realizing that no one is coming to save us from ourselves, it is about rolling up our sleeves, burying our hands and arms into the muddy earth, and consciously living and working to participate directly in the creative and healing process of life, working without fear nor judgment, under the conditions that life puts us through, be it in a field of delightfully scented flowers or in stinky muddy manure. 

We work in our gardens with the ingredients life grants us with its unconditional love, transforming our emotions and the charges we carry from the past in our emotional bodies, like an alchemist transforms mud into gold. 

When we fully embrace Self Love we do not want to run away from whatever life brings to us, because we know that the only way out is through.

When we fully embrace Self Love we do not want to sedate ourselves because we know that we need to feel it to heal it.

When we fully embrace Self Love, we spend time each day with ourselves, we learn to enjoy our own company, we hug and talk to our inner child, and we embrace all our emotions, not only our joy and satisfaction but, more importantly, we also embrace what we classify as less pleasant: the frustration, the anger, the sadness, the fear, the pain and discomfort that are within us all. We embrace it all to feel it because feeling is healing and Self Love is all about self-healing.

Self-Love is about being gentle and taking real care of ourselves, of the way we nurture ourselves in all senses, physically and emotionally, it is about having the mental clarity to guide ourselves into authenticity, of having the courage to be ourselves instead of what other people want us to be, it is about being with ourselves no matter what, it is about forgiving ourselves, it is about embracing all there is with compassion, it is about putting an end to the running away process, it is about finding the courage to stop sedating ourselves and starting to be really present in our lives. 

Self-love is about learning to value life; it is about becoming responsible for our own feelings. Self-Love is about becoming a mother and father of ourselves and stopping using others or manipulating life in order to obtain the love and attention we are not giving ourselves. 
Self-Love is about accepting our life experiences as valid and ceasing to escape our own reality. It is about being fully present. It is about being alchemists. It is about transforming and healing ourselves, from within, with commitment, courage, pain, tears, with everything life is, in order to be able to understand what authentic Peace and Joy really mean.

About Susana

Susana teaches kundalini yoga, gong yoga, and meditation in Ticino, Switzerland, and organizes workshops and retreats of yoga, detox, meditation, and mindfulness, trying to facilitate participants self-observation, and inner growth, transformation, and expansion of consciousness.

More details on the website: www.susanadesousatavares.net

How to connect with your body?

Posted on by Kasia

When we talk about body-oriented work or somatic work we intend to focus on the connection between body and mind. We believe that the relationship with ourselves, with others, and the world around us is strongly conditioned by this connection. One of the basic elements of this approach is that the person experiences itself not only in the mind but above all through physical sensations and feelings. We can consider this a “bottom-up” approach because it starts from exploring the physical and emotional perceived and then subsequently access the processing of the mental arena.

Essential concepts of this work:

• Body, mind, and emotions are always in interaction. We can consider them three intelligences that influence each other.

• The body can be a guiding tool in inner growth.

• Physical sensations, emotions, images, thoughts, or reasonings can represent a map through which the person in this approach can get to know him/herself.

• The body through its posture and the tonicity, tensions, or stiffness represents an armor that defines either a physical structure or a character structure that is correlated. 

• The person is animated by energies (mental, emotional, and physical). The well-being of the person lies in the natural flow of energy loading and unloading. When the natural flow comes disturbed, interrupted, or altered, one can experience physical, emotional, and relational stress or dysfunctions.

• The body records and maintains memories of lived experiences including traumatic ones. When these experiences are not integrated and processed, they are created, physical blocks, held emotions, physical dysfunctions, and relational dysfunctions.

How does the method used in Feel Free work?

In both individual and group meetings, the person who wants to work on a topic starts by exposing it. During the exposure work, we try to bring attention to what is happening in the present moment and in the body. In observing the body, the person is asked to: slow down, avoid getting lost in a long description of its history and draw attention to any physiological changes caused by tensions, contractions, or sensations of release or expansion during sharing.

The intent is to accompany the person in an exploration of himself, of the held emotions, of his physical state, of the awareness of the body-mind connection. This exploration is intended to support restoring a greater sense of inner expansion and well-being.

Depending on the physical and character structure of the person and on the theme expressed, the work may be accompanied by body movements, breathing exercises, listening exercises, physical sensations, interior dialogue, and the meanings attributed to one’s own experience. The proposed work is carried out based on the person and what they can contain and process.

The techniques, exercises, and work methodologies used within the session can be different: from Gestalt therapy to Core Energetics work, to the techniques used in somatic experiencing, to the use of conscious breathing, mindfulness, and meditation. 

Who can this experience help?

In this holistic view of the person, physical or mental discomforts or disorders are considered on the same level of importance. Many of the issues of emotional distress have somatization in the body and acting on the body, they can be transformed into an experience of well-being for the person who does the work of inner growth.

Often chronic pain, insomnia, poor digestion, physical and mental fatigue, apathy, anxiety, the difficulty in creating satisfying and healthy relationships, are all signs of discomfort or trauma not yet completely elaborate and could benefit from somatic work.

What benefits can this work bring?

This work helps people to be more present in themselves and more aware of it. Thoughts, physical and emotional sensations, and our behaviors are all connected. It allows us to move more easily from a state of emotional disturbance to a state of greater inner stability. When we work on traumatic past episodes it allows us to manage the sense of emotional overwhelm and to re-establish the state of stillness and centeredness more easily. Increase our resilience and ability to tolerate the complexity of daily challenges. It increases the sense of inner security, creating greater confidence in oneself and in life.