Have you recently wondered, “When did I start being so boring?” It’s a question that creeps into our minds from time to time, and it’s worth exploring. What’s your secret daydream? That one thing you’ve always wanted to do, but you’ve kept safely tucked away, hidden from the world. Perhaps it’s dancing in public just for the joy of it, skydiving, or starting a new hobby. What’s holding you back from experiencing the joy, spontaneity, and curiosity that you know you have, but seems just out of reach, a little dormant?
As children, we naturally pushed boundaries, tested limits, and did things simply for the joy of it. Yet, somewhere along the way, we may feel we lost touch with that side of ourselves. There can be many reasons for that, disappointments, fear of rejection or being made fun of, being scolded or told off. Life happens and piles on, we get told what ‘adult responsibilities’ are, what we need to achieve, and bury our free, innate ‘soul-child’ on the way.
Can we have both, some kind of balance between spontaneous and free, and structured and ‘adult’, and use it to our advantage? Wouldn’t life be so much more rich?
‘Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.’ ~ E.E. Cummings
The practice of self-inquiry is the action of looking inward and asking ourselves fundamental questions that reveal our inner essence, and aspects about ourselves that are hidden. It is commonly done as a process with others, or guided, but you can also do it by yourself in contemplation or by journaling, which can lead to insight and greater self-knowledge.
- Contemplate something you really want to try but never give yourself the freedom to do.
- Notice what comes emotionally when you think about it, fear, embarrassment, a feeling of imminent failure, dismissal, it’s not worth it, ‘nice idea but not relevant’, ‘I’m too old for this’… and so on
- What does this ‘want’ really symbolize, and where does it really come from? What does it represent?
- Can I sit with these emotions, feel them in my body, and breathe with them? Ask yourself, What would be the worst outcome if I did try this? Maybe you realise, despite your story: ‘This too, I can get through.’
- How can I integrate this in my life, what would be fun to try this week, this month and what will I get out of it?
This practice may give rise to understanding something about yourself, and give you hope and incentive to move on from it. The key is integrating your desires into your life in all areas by taking action, like re-training yourself towards joy and spontaneity. Start small, and little by little bring these long-lost dreams into your daily life. This week, this month, take a step toward something you’ve always wanted to do that makes you happy. Or say yes to a crazy idea that is outside of your routine. Do something unusual. Expand your appetite for life and let it inspire you!
Becoming friendly with our inner wildness can be an important and life-changing path. It’s about rediscovering the innocent, free, wild, and open part of us that once made us feel truly alive. It’s not about acting “childish” or being overly “adult”; it’s about finding a balance and connecting to the essence of our soul-child. It’s time to release it, give it the freedom it needs, and use its energy to your advantage.
So, the next time you ask yourself, “When did I start being so boring?” remember that it’s never too late to reconnect with your inner wildness and live life to the fullest.
Emilio Mercuriali is a visionary leader in the field of self-discovery and personal growth. Specializing in the Essence work and the Enneagram, Emilio’s retreats offer a unique blend of ancient spiritual wisdom and modern psychology. He will be leading the Joy of Living Retreat in Mandali this coming December.